More Than Just a Mom: Why You Need an Identity Outside of Motherhood

When was the last time you introduced yourself without mentioning your kids first? Seriously, think about it. We even joke about it—saving contacts in our phones as "Jillian - Charlotte's Mom". It’s like our names don’t even matter anymore unless they’re tied to our children. And while motherhood is a beautiful part of who we are, it’s not all we are.

I always wanted to be a mom, and I love my children deeply. But I am also a fully functioning adult with thoughts, dreams, and ideas that exist outside of being a mom. And yet, for so many of us, that sense of self starts to disappear over time. It’s why moms hit a funk when their kids start growing up and developing their own lives.

The Reality of Mom Sacrifice (But Does It Have to Be This Way?)

Just today, I spoke with a mom who has been miserably sick with the flu all week. She still dragged herself out of bed, barely able to drive, just to take her kid to an event. She told me, "I feel like crap and really shouldn’t have been driving, but I did it anyway for my kids."

Because that’s what moms do, right? We put everyone else first. We put our own wants, needs, and health so far down the list that we don’t even consider them priorities. But here’s the thing—what happens when the kids don’t need us like they used to? What happens when we wake up one day, wondering who we even are outside of being "Mom"?

Breaking the Myth – You Can Be a Great Mom AND Prioritize Yourself

We’ve been conditioned to believe that a "good mom" is one who sacrifices everything. But that’s simply not true. Let’s break some of these lies:

• Lie #1: “Moms who take time for themselves are selfish.” Nope. Taking time for yourself makes you a better mom. A mom who is exhausted, resentful, and running on fumes isn’t serving anyone well. A fulfilled mom shows up with more patience, joy, and energy.

• Lie #2: “Being a good mom means giving 100% of yourself to motherhood.” No. Being a good mom means raising your kids while still honoring yourself as a whole person. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

• Lie #3: “It’s too late to rediscover myself—I’ve been in this role too long.” Absolutely not. It is never too late to prioritize yourself. The hardest part is giving yourself permission to start.

My Journey: Learning to Prioritize Myself Without Guilt

It took me a long time to put my own goals, hobbies, and passions ahead of my family’s needs. I’m still not perfect at it, but I make a conscious effort.

One of the biggest changes I made? I joined book clubs.

Before, I felt guilty leaving the house for something "just for me." I worried about my husband figuring out dinner and cleaning up. But you know what? He can handle one damn meal.

Now, I get to talk about books (which I love), meet other women, connect over shared interests, and eat food I actually enjoy. One of my book clubs even meets at restaurants so we don’t have to deal with the stress of hosting or being interrupted by kids. And the best part? We mix up the cuisine, so I get to eat something my picky family would never touch. Win-win-win.

How to Start Reconnecting with Yourself (Even in Small Ways)

If you’re feeling lost in motherhood and wondering how to find you again, here are some steps to start:

• Take small steps daily. Journal, take a solo walk, rediscover an old hobby. It doesn’t have to be big to be meaningful.

• Try something NEW. Join a class, start a hobby, or book a solo trip—anything that reminds you that you are more than just a mom.

• Find a community. Surround yourself with women who also prioritize themselves and encourage self-care.

• Book the damn trip. Sometimes, the best way to reset is to completely step away. A weekend away, a full Momcation—whatever gives you the space to breathe.

The Hard Truth: If You Don’t Give Yourself Something Outside of Motherhood, You Will Feel Lost Later

Fast forward 16 years from now. Your little ones are grown, independent, and living their own lives.

If you don’t build something for yourself now, you may wake up one day realizing that you’re just a landlord and an Uber driver for your kids. If you have nothing that’s just for you, you will feel lost.

This is why I believe so strongly in the “More Than Just a Mom” movement. It’s not about abandoning motherhood. It’s about being the amazing woman you were meant to be.

It’s Time to Reclaim YOU

You are More Than Just a Mom. You deserve something for yourself. Start small, start big—it doesn’t matter. Just start.

💡 Need help rediscovering YOU? I'd love to chat and offer ideas or suggestions on ways to reconnect with yourself—whether it's a new hobby, a solo outing, or something bigger. And if you're ready for a full reset, a Momcation might be just what you need. 💛

Until next time, here’s to making time for yourself - you deserve it!

~ Jillian

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