Mom Guilt is Bullsh*t: What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
Let’s talk about the relentless, soul-crushing weight of mom guilt—that little voice whispering (or sometimes screaming) in your head that no matter what you do, it’s never enough. If you’re reading this, chances are you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re trying to juggle it all—keeping up with the house, the kids, the work, the friendships, the mental load of motherhood (which is an actual full-time job in itself), and let’s not forget society’s ever-growing list of impossible expectations for women. And if you drop the ball, even for a second? Cue the anxiety. Cue the self-doubt. Cue the feeling that you’re somehow failing at the most important job of your life.
But here’s what I wish someone had told me when I was drowning in mom guilt: It’s all a lie. And you don’t have to buy into it anymore.
The Invisible Load No One Talks About
Society tells moms we need to "do it all," but what they really mean is: "do it all perfectly while smiling, never complaining, and never prioritizing yourself." The mental gymnastics required to manage everyone’s schedules, remember doctor’s appointments, pack school lunches, plan meals, keep the house somewhat livable, ensure the kids are thriving, and still try to be a "good" partner or friend is exhausting. And yet, if we dare to say "I need a break," we’re flooded with guilt.
Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that a ‘good mom’ is a self-sacrificing mom.
But guess what? That’s bullsh*t. Because you know who suffers when you’re exhausted, burnt out, and running on empty? Everyone. Including your kids. A mom who is constantly drained, stressed, and resentful isn’t doing anyone any favors. Your children don’t need a perfect mom—they need a happy mom. And happiness doesn’t come from martyrdom.
The Lies Mom Guilt Tells Us
Let’s expose some of the biggest lies mom guilt tells us:
Lie #1: If I take time for myself, I’m being selfish. Reality check: No, you’re being human. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and taking care of yourself is taking care of your family.
Lie #2: A ‘good mom’ always puts her kids first. Reality check: A healthy mom prioritizes balance—not just her kids but herself too. You are not just a mother. You are a whole person with needs that matter.
Lie #3: If I don’t do it all, I’m failing. Reality check: The idea of ‘doing it all’ is a scam designed to keep us overwhelmed. No one does it all. No one.
Lie #4: My kids will suffer if I’m not constantly present. Reality check: Your kids benefit from seeing you take care of yourself. It teaches them boundaries, self-care, and independence.
What I Wish I Had Heard When I Was Stuck in Mom Guilt
You are already a good mom. Just by worrying if you’re doing enough, you’re proving that you care deeply. You are putting the well being of your tiny humans ahead of your own. Look at it from this way, if a mother opossum feels threatened, she may flick one of her babies toward a predator to distract it so she can get away. And here you are sitting, worrying if you hurt your kids feelings because you may have snapped after the 100th time they asked you where something was. that was right in front of their face! The fact that you are stewing on this, questioning if you could have handled it differently, shows just how much you care. That alone makes you better than momma opossum! That’s what makes you a good mom.
Taking time for yourself doesn’t make you less of a mom—it makes you a better one. A well-rested, fulfilled mom shows up so much better for her kids than one who is constantly drained. When you thrive, your kids thrive. Prioritizing yourself is leading by example. It's like what all the parents publications have said for years, kids learn by example. And just like the 80s commerical about the kid taking drugs because "I learned it by watching you" dad, lets show our kids some healthier options to emulate. Yes, we eat our veggies and drink our 4 million ounces of water a day, but showing them that taking time for ourselves mentally and emotionally are just as important as what we put in our bodies.
You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to tick off a never-ending to-do list before you deserve a break. The never-ending to-do list will always be never-ending. There will always be something more added every day. It’s like doing laundry. Even if you think you have collected all the dirty clothes, there is always some piece of clothing you find hidden somewhere that you missed. And that’s not counting the clothes you are wearing. So, like the laundry is never-ending, so is your to-do list. It can be managed but is never done. Learning to pause is just as important as checking things off.
Perfection is an illusion. Social media, Pinterest-perfect moms, and curated highlight reels do not tell the whole story. We all use filters, edit videos, move things around in the background before we take the picture so that everywhere looks spotless. Every mom you admire is also struggling in ways you don’t see. And let’s be real, some have help—lots of it. Some have homes with cooks, cleaners, or assistants. Hell, I know a mom that hires someone to drive her kids to activities because she can't be in three places at once and these kids have so many activities. The more you let go of the need to be perfect, the more space you create for real joy. No one has it all together. No one.
Your happiness matters. Not just for your kids. Not just for your partner. But for you. You are allowed to exist beyond the roles of motherhood, partner, and caretaker. Your dreams, passions, and desires matter. A happy mom creates a happy home. While you may be in the thick of it of motherhood right now, there will come a time when you are not needed as much. While that may seem scary to think about, what terrifies me even more is the thought of reaching that point—when your kids are off living their teen and adult lives—and suddenly realizing you don’t know how to exist outside of the 'Mom' role. Yes, we will always worry about them and be there for them in an instant. But there will come a time when you won’t be making all the lunches, scrambling to wash uniforms before the game, or juggling back-to-back pickups and drop-offs. You will have hours, to yourself. Instead of being blindsided by sudden free time and struggling to figure out what to do with yourself, why not already have a life of your own? One filled with activities you love—because you've been prioritizing yourself all along.
Ditch the Guilt—Take the Damn Break
Mom guilt thrives in silence. The more we talk about it, the more we realize we’re all feeling the same pressure. The only way to beat it is to call it what it is—bullsht*—and give yourself permission to let it go.
So, if you needed a sign, this is it. Book the trip. Take the nap. Say no to the things that drain you. Stop apologizing for needing time to yourself. You deserve a break, and you don’t have to justify it to anyone—including yourself.
Your kids will be fine. And you? You’ll finally start feeling like you again. Send me a message today, and let’s make it happen. You’ll finally start feeling like you again.
Until next time, here’s to making time for yourself - you deserve it!
~ Jillian
#YouDeserveABreak #MotherhoodRedefined #MomsSupportingMoms #Momcations #MoreThanJustAMom
